It's been like years since my latest post. I have no words. I can't mystically conjure them. Letters are futile without the emotion through which they are composed. Like, there is nothing, but,
Everything just lingers a fucking inch past my finger tips and leaves me in complete chaos, just suspended in confusion. Nothing but numb confusion. I don’t want your clues, I don’t want your hints, I need the flat line truth, I need it to be told mercilessly, without hesitation and without a second thought. Do anything, just don’t leave me to suffocate. I need to be told selfishly. Why can I never get it. Why can I never give myself closure even when it’s placed right in the palm of my hands? Do you want me to leave, do you want me to stay? Do you, or don't you? 'Cause you know what, I've never been fine since the last month, for Godsake, like, sometimes, I just want to give up, but sometimes, I want to keep fight. Like, I'm having a Somatization Disorders, or Somatoform Pain Disorders, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders, I don't know. I tried to diagnose myself, from my psychology books. But they didn't help.
I can't feel, and thus, I can't write.
Everything just lingers a fucking inch past my finger tips and leaves me in complete chaos, just suspended in confusion. Nothing but numb confusion. I don’t want your clues, I don’t want your hints, I need the flat line truth, I need it to be told mercilessly, without hesitation and without a second thought. Do anything, just don’t leave me to suffocate. I need to be told selfishly. Why can I never get it. Why can I never give myself closure even when it’s placed right in the palm of my hands? Do you want me to leave, do you want me to stay? Do you, or don't you? 'Cause you know what, I've never been fine since the last month, for Godsake, like, sometimes, I just want to give up, but sometimes, I want to keep fight. Like, I'm having a Somatization Disorders, or Somatoform Pain Disorders, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders, I don't know. I tried to diagnose myself, from my psychology books. But they didn't help.
I can't feel, and thus, I can't write.
I can not even breath.